my business is a hammock I weave by hand
ongoing writings from artist business ethos
despite working for myself full time since 2017, it’s probably only in the last year or so that I’ve started doing business in a way that feels truly aligned with my energy — that is, more specifically — honoring who I am, as an introverted hermit, a scorpio stellium, and 2/4 self-projected projector.
a few weeks ago, I came to the clarity that I wanted a business which allowed me to rest, and still feel safe. a set of containers and systems that allowed me to let go of the deeply conditioned feelings of constant vigilance and scarcity, and surrender into my creative practices.
through writing this post, I came to the metaphor of the hammock — as a flexible, mobile structure where I can rest, dream, and imagine new possibilites — while still feeling safe, secure, and deeply supported.
let me explain how I got here.
a catalogue of all the mistakes I made
in the first many years of working for myself, I made all the mistakes. I had no road map, so I followed other people’s maps. I felt pressured to obey the “shoulds.” I contorted myself into 10-step marketing and sales strategy plans, and hated it. I forced myself to be on social media. I hustled. I undercharged and undervalued myself in doing client work, while overcompensating in labor and energy — because I felt some concoction of fraud and imposter syndrome. I felt that I need to prove my worthiness, expertise, and professionalism. I said too many “yeses” to the wrong people. I worked too much, too hard, and got burnt out. I was an overwhelmed, moody artist constantly disappearing and ghosting my work. I felt embarrassed to share myself, and turned off by the idea of selling anything.
even though I still made money and supported my life — I’d say that I barely had a real “business,” because it wasn’t a business that felt energetically supportive to me — how I wanted to exist in the world.
before this, I didn’t know that another way was even possible.
but now I do.
business as energy
I think the transformations started last summer, when I began diving into human design and exploring what it means to be energetically aligned in work. I realized that my successes and milestones never came from sheer force of my effort, sweat, and labor — but instead, from finding alignment with my energy.
and yes — while energy sounds like such a nebulous, wishy-washy thing — time and time again, life gave me material proof that it was real. I’ll define energy here as simply: some combination of: (1) respecting your inner resources, (2) extremely clear desires/intentions, (3) creative power (4) surrender and (5) an unwavering commitment to the desire. it’s a mysterious thing that I’ve seen work, but not in the way of manifestation-guru speak. it’s much deeper than that — though I’m still working out exactly how.
a few months ago, another break-through came for me when I wrote about the artist-entrepreneur — my way of recounciling my relationship to art and money, and the false dichotomy our society creates between the two. it gave me a new model of how to be an artist integrated and in the world — to share my creative gifts in service of my values and make money — as a byproduct of my giving. of course, this required a lot of shadow work around money and self-worth.
recently, I created a framework in thinking about business as a labyrinth. I explored what it meant to create safety for yourself in your business, and use it as a container to practice deeply cherishing your creative energy. the radical difference here for me was shifting my focus to energy, not labor — as the limited resource to work with.
my business as hammock i lay down in
when I weave all of those thoughts together, what I’m left with is what I’ve always desired: the infinite possibility of reimagining what a business can be, completely from scratch — a full seven years after I first jumped off the cliff to work for myself. I really did take my time.
I feel the expansiveness and realization that I can design a business however I want — to fit my very personal rhythms, preferences, and idiosyncrasies.
now I know:
a business is not about hustling hard, chasing work, or proving my worthiness in exchange for money.
a business is a soft hammock I weave by hand — of my creative practices, and to hold my creative practices. it is the vessel and tapestry which connects, flows, and carry those practices — to have presence in the world.
my business is a place where I can lay down and rest. stargaze and dream, and imagine new things. it’s designed to be extremely energy efficient — woven to fit the contours of my (creative and energetic) body. its whole purpose can be summarized as: energy-efficient imaginative processes.
it’s travel-friendly and mobile: I can take it to jungles, to the wide open sea, to outer space. it’s compact and yet infinitely elastic — it’s a web that can stretch and expand; which can catch and support others who wander into my world, seeking guidance.
when I hold this metaphor in my mind, my body feels a sense of deep relief. to create a business like a hammock is to give myself permission to rest. to let things come to me, without struggle.
my business is a place where I give myself permission to be effortless — and still feel supported, safe, and connected to my environment. this weaving of threads takes time, of course. but at the end of it, I find myself building a flexible, soft, cozy structure that allows me to be myself, and be in movement with the world.