scorpio self-care: an ongoing guide
// ORIGINAL POST: MAY 6 2020 / LAST UPDATED: NOV 13 2020 //
01.
why I’m writing this guide (for myself)
someone needs to write a Scorpio self-care guide, and I think that person is going to have to be me. everything I read online is made up of general platitudes and phrases like “learn to let go!” and “don’t hold on to resentment, or past suffering!”, written not from the perspective of a Scorpio, but from astrologers or half astrologers who talk about it intellectually and lightly - but, fuck, when you’re drowning in the oceanic abyss, it does NOT feel light. it feels like being beaten down by a thousand pound tsunami. so many feelings - and each one feels intense, extreme, and eternal.
yes. so, as you can imagine, after weeks of being zen and peaceful and calm, yesterday I tripped and drowned in my own emotional oceanic abyss and then endured an entire afternoon and evening of bad tsunami weather. I was looking for a tsunami shelter within me — some dry little hut where I could go and hide and wait it out - but instead, I spent some time in a state of existential paralysis, wondering if all this time, I was pretending to be highly-functional and calm, when in truth, I’m actually so fucked-up from childhood and relationship wounds that I need rigorous psychotherapy, weekly reiki healing, PLUS a healthy dosage of psychedelics… OR, if I simply have a dark, vivid, intense inner world with a lot of wild animal taming, incantation, and gardening work to do, AND/OR, if what I’m experiencing is simply a result of being a super Scorpio.
I’m going to believe… the latter two. because in the past, I’ve gone through months of thinking that I need other people to “fix” me — therapists, healers, hypnotists — and that there is something inherently, deeply wrong with me. that was not useful. because in believing I needed “fixing,” I gave away my own healing power. and what is a Scorpio, without healing powers???
02.
on scorpionic feelings
since I discovered the extent to which I am a Scorpio (sun, rising, mars, pluto - all in the first house of ego and identity), I attributed all the qualities about myself which were very unpleasant to experience — and which boyfriends and family would complain about — under this astrological bucket.
astrology gave me a lens with which I learned to love myself, accept myself, embrace my own darkness and intensity, and to not to be ashamed or apologetic about it. integrating and understanding my Scorpio energy allowed me to not flinch and hide when I see the shadow side of me. and instead, to face unpleasant things head-on, and trust that I do have the capacity to hold myself. that I have the power to heal, regenerate, and transform.
and I have. so many times in my life.
but I also tend to have very short term emotional memory. as in, if I’m feeling sad today, I can’t remember how I felt yesterday. so I have to remind myself when I’m experiencing tsunami weather that it’s just weather.
so to start, I’ll list emotional qualities of being a scorpio — beliefs and feelings that visit me when I’m deep in the oceanic abyss:
(1) emotions feel extreme and all-consuming in their intensity, and as if they will last forever. they can be paralyzing. I wonder if I will ever feel anything other than this, again. but I always do. the good thing about feelings is that they always change, they want to move through me. even if I do nothing, the feelings will escape on their own — some way, some how. and when they do, it can feel like being reborn. the question is: how can I help these emotions move through me?
(2) old emotions can linger in the back of my psyche and in my body - as in, there is a lot of stuck emotion in me, a lot of “psychological past” and accumulated suffering. and I have a very vivid sensorial memory. when I’m feeling hurt, I can feel the memories, words, stories rising up within me like sharp needles. they hurt me, but they are there for a reason — to warn me and protect me from future hurt. the question is, can I let them go, and still feel safe?
(3) there is some buried urge for self-destruction. it’s almost like, when I feel bad, I want to feel more bad - to see how dark it can get, before I surrender and feel ready to crawl slowly back towards the light.
03.
practical tools for scorpio self-care
I am going to update this list as I observe and reflect more.
(1) feed yourself and nourish your body first
after a particularly bad moment or hour or day, the first task is to nourish yourself with food, sleep, and other physical comforts. forget about the emotions for a second and focus on the vessel. the body. see what you can do to take care of the body.
(2) practice the art of waiting out tsunami weather
when things are very dark, know that the tsunami weather ALWAYS passes. even if it feels all consuming in the moment. water wants to move. so see if you can find neutral, low-intensity activities to do in the meantime — read a book, watch some nature videos, look at some poems, listen to music. absorb yourself into the energy of something else - something low key and soothing. you must remind yourself that THIS WILL PASS.
(3) seek earth energy to hold water energy
when there is too much water energy (representing the emotions and the subconscious), seek the energy of earth (grounding). earth is the only energy that can absorb water — whereas water will extinguish fire, and water will NOT mix with air. so, seek to be surrounded by trees, spend time with an earthy friend, lay and roll around on the ground, do yoga, touch earth — anything that makes you feel connected to the root. I like this song for grounding.
(5) log your daily feelings and events
cataloguing them with attention to detail will help you realize that they do not last. this will provide some relief, and also some distancing from yourself — to learn to see yourself as a field study, as an ongoing exploration, rather than being so immersed IN the feelings that you cannot step away. I did 365 days of moon journaling to track my daily emotions.
(6) release emotions through journaling - in different forms
ask yourself a series of questions and go through them methodically, calmly, with an attitude of openness and curiosity. this is the inner work. I wrote a post here about deep journaling, which is a methodical process I go through when I’m in deep shit.
(7) go the fuck to sleep
yes. the world always looks different when you wake up.
(8) don’t resist the darkness. find beauty and light in it.
if the sky is grey outside, see how you can enjoy this greyness, too. can it be a cinematic experience? I play melancholic indie music (of which I have a lot) and pretend I’m in a movie. then I go home and light candles and take long showers and drink tea. darkness, too, is a gift.
(9) become skilled at creating a cocooning space
when you’re feeling bad, there is still a part of you that can be the caretaker. that part what knows what you need. usually, this means: nourishing food, hot drink, candles, maybe a bath, soothing music, a journal. if you are to embrace the dark feelings, also become an expert at creating a safe space where you can hold them.
(10) commit to understanding (and giving yourself) what you need DAILY.
it’s not about waiting until the extreme lows to save yourself from the abyss. it’s a daily act of nurturing; a daily re-centering. I wrote a few posts about this.
the personal ozone layer
trust in the practice process
13 nourishing practices for wellbeing
***
this guide is my note to self. (and to you, my scorpio sisters and brothers.) will be in progress for the rest of my life.