the practice of self trust
trusting yourself is the confidence and comfort — that there is an “infinite” you always taking care of you, and being able to let go, to surrender.
in 2019, when I restarted this journey of pursuing my art and business full time, I had many friends tell me that the most important thing I needed to do was to trust myself. at the time, I was like okay, that’s easy for you to say, but how?!? and what does that even mean, trust myself?
now, after a year of very painful growth, I can say that I’m beginning to feel tiny sprouts of what self trust feels like— trust as a day to day practice. I felt it last week, walking through Paris, where I live for the moment, and asking myself this question: what if, instead of worrying about money or art or success and trying to address the problem with my mind, I simply surrendered and fully trusted? what would that feel like?
complete self trust feels like letting go
when you trust in someone else — on whatever terms — you allow yourself to relinquish a bit of control. you surrender. let go. you’re fully confident that they’ll show up for you, take care of you in the (often unspoken) ways which you’ve agreed. you have a sense of ease in being able to rely on them.
so, self trust is the same. it feels a little like being taken care of — but not by your parents, or your boyfriend — instead, by yourself, by the universe. it’s the comfort that comes with steadfast confidence that you can take care of yourself, you can create anything you want in your life, you have that agency and power. and then, you can let go.
what this means is — that there is more than one “you,” or, more than one “I.”
the practice of self trust is in your relationship with the infinite self
to trust in myself is to trust in not just the limited notion of “I” — what I can do in these waking hours, with my two hands typing on my computer, or the number of emails I can send. that would be exhausting, so much pressure. I’m not always fully confident in this version of “me.” so instead, I see layers of my “self”
I see self-trust as placing faith in the infinite “I” , the “I” which is connected to the universe, to the unknown; the intuitive, deeper “I.” this kind of self trust is in allowing your sense of self to expand beyond the boundaries of your body, but as a force of energy and flows and moves for you.
do you have a relationship with the infinite you — the presence in you that can take care of you, that always knows the way? do you believe it exists? when you’re in a really dark hole, is there another version of you — a wiser, older you — that can pull you out?
I practice self trust by meditating and connecting to that presence everyday, and again, in small moments — as I’m walking down the street — throughout the day. I practice the feeling of relief, of letting go, of complete surrender. then I watch and smile, as good things flow my way.
try this. even for just a moment. and tell me how it feels for you.