giving space to emotional triggers
when we feel emotionally triggered, we tighten, suffocate, and react. instead — what if you give your feelings the space to be held, and to change?
in my daily journey of doing inner work, my higher goal is always greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and a deeper understanding of myself and my inner nuances. I am getting to know myself better each and every day, and because I’m always evolving, it is a never-ending process of self discovery into the mazes of myself.
in this process, I’ve found that the moments when I feel emotionally triggered can be the greatest sources of growth and expansion — if I take the time to face my discomfort.
facing discomfort can happen in many ways — for me, there is usually a process that I intuitively follow, which I will share with you now:
#1 — A trigger happens, and I feel suddenly sad, anxious, angry, and disconnected, or some combination of these feelings.
my first instinct is to react unconsciously and impulsively, following my initial thoughts streams, or speaking whatever first emotionally charged thought I have. I would become seized by my suffering. sometimes this happens still, but it often takes me deeper into a negative spiral that is harder to disentangle from.
instead…
#2 — I allow space for the feeling to wash over me.
I treat negative emotions like a wave that is flooding my being, or, like a bird that is visiting my inner world. I breathe, and I let it be. I let it be with the knowledge that it will not stay this way forever. it is only for now.
#3 — I sense into my body for where I have tension.
I’m curious about where the negative emotions live in me. do I feel tightness in my chest? an ache in my heart? what does the sensation feel like? I simply ask and feel into this question.
#4 — I pay attention to the thought patterns.
at this point, I’m usually still feeling triggered, but a little less reactive, so I have the spaciousness to handle my own thoughts. I turn my attention to any stories that are echoing in my head — any voices and beliefs that I hear rattling in my skull. I don’t react or follow the voices. I simply listen.
those stories are usually old scripts, childhood wounds, past traumas, simply taking on a different form.
#5 — I express myself from this place of self understanding.
if, in the moment, I can express how I’m feeling to the other person, I do it. I do it by acknowledging my emotions, my physical tension, and sharing what thoughts and old beliefs these feelings trigger. I am careful not to use language of blame, but taking responsibility for my own pain.
#6 — I go about my day. I give my feelings the breathing room to change.
I change activities. I carry the feeling in me like a gentle companion, a small bird that needs my care. then I become engrossed in another activity — dancing, walking, seeing, art — and I allow myself to let go of this bird.
#7— once the feeling has passed, I reflect on it by doing deep journaling.
a few days later, I might revisit this moment and reflect (in a methodical way, as I do) about the trigger, my reaction, my thought patterns. they are all clues into self-discovery and understanding of my wounds.
in doing so, I illuminate parts of myself that need my love and attention. I explore, though a journaling process, where else this trigger might show up in my life, and its potential root sources (usually, it’s from family and childhood dynamics). I investigate. calmly, with a cup of tea at a nice cafe — my version of cafe therapy.
then, over time, all of the insights settle into my being, and I feel myself lighter and more peaceful than before.
don’t fear your emotional triggers
feelings are not static blockages that we need to fear. they are changing, fluid entities. they hold so much wisdom and insight and truth about our past wounds, our deepest desires, our needs. removing yourself from situations where you often feel triggered is one thing — an act of self-love. but if it’s not too much to handle on a day to day basis, then you can take each triggering moment as an opportunity for greater growth, expansion, and ultimately — personal freedom.