the obscurus as a wounded artist child
in the world of fantastic beasts / harry potter, an obscurus is the destructive dark force of a child who has been forced to suppress their magic.
if we see the practice of magic as deliberate, cathartic release of creative energy, then the obscurus is the concentrated dark entity born from its inversion and repression.
it’s the result of magic that has been:
shamed, dismissed and minimized by the environment and non-magical people around them
forced into hiding and conformity — aka, living in a lie
unnurtured, unstudied, unexpressed, and therefore uncontrolled
then what?
the obscurus is uncontrollable chaos. it’s triggered through emotionally stressful situations, destroying everything in its path, and over time, killing the child host.
how the obscurus manifests in our world
in our world, the obscurus is the wounded artist child.*
the destructive effects of repressed magical energy don’t appear as dramatic, obvious, or visible to the eye. why? this is the case in a society that only values what is immediately observable and material — money and things — over what is sensed, experienced, and felt. and: what is socially acceptable, known, and understood — over the idiosyncratic, undefined essence of individual creative beings.
imagine though, if we were able to see people’s souls, energies, and force fields — and watch the way it controls how they think, feel, make decisions: how energy ripples outwards from one individual, and affects entire webs of relationships, and whole communities.
perhaps, if we were able to see the immaterial, we’d be confronted with the real extent of the destruction.
a world overrun by the systematic pursuit of profit over life force is the same world that disempowers magical, creative beings.
if we were able to see the obscuruses in our world, we’d see the wasted human potential — of creative souls actually working to make something beautiful for this world, instead of hiding in conformity, competing with each other for breadcrumbs of acknowledgement, or fighting for survival.
(*you could replace the word “artist” with any form of divergence that is a social outlier)
how a obscurus is born
let me break down the formation of an obscurus — as it applies to the artist child.
this repression of magic starts from a young age, and is internalized within us as adults. we no longer need other people to repress our magic, because we do it to ourselves.
#1 - Shame devalues the creative self
“don’t waste time making silly things, do you want to go hungry?”
shame is being made to feel wrong for not just what we do, but who we fundamentally are. at a certain age, if what we want to spend our time on doesn’t directly lead to a path of prestige, or a high-paying job, it’s systematically (if not consciously) de-valued. overtime, we internalize this de-valuation — and with it, devaluing our own creative spirit.
#2 - Conformity traps you in a lie
conformity is always an unconscious survival strategy. it’s being told to: “just follow the safe, secure path. don’t be different. only be exceptional in socially acceptable, pre-defined ways — in ways that other people will understand, and reward you for.” when conformity is internalized, it leads you to make a series of decisions that you didn’t actually make. you wake up in a life you didn’t actively choose, but, instead, allowed to just “happen” to you.
#3 - Internalized repression
shame and conformity lead to repression. even when you’re aware of it — even when you consciously embark on the creative path — you’ll meet this repression in the form of resistance and blockages. that is: unconscious self-filtering and imprisonment through limiting shadow beliefs. in my experience, those beliefs manifest as fear, self-doubt, perfectionism, paralysis, or feelings of futility.
Dark energy: chaos + control
at some point, the obscurus is born.
an obscurus feels different for everyone.
for me, it felt like a dark, parasitic force eating me from the inside — then, upon being triggered, its rage, hurt, and power manifested itself as tsunami emotional storms, fixating anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, and neurosis.
I felt constantly aware of the huge gap between my creative energy, and what I had (or hadn’t) manifested outwards. I felt choked — by the world, but mostly, by my internalized psychic mechanisms I had built to deal with the world.
when you haven’t expressed the creative energy — as a way of processing life, as a form of inhale exhale for the metabolism — it transmutes into dark chaos energy. then, your psyche creates ways of trying to control it: in the form of anxiety, neurosis, numbness, deadness. these are psychic barrier you form to protect yourself: against the world, and against yourself.
in simplified words, an obscurus feels like being miserable all the time.
you’re too sensitive, and you create barriers to deal with that sensitivity. you end up consuming yourself. that was me for many years.
my obscurus journey
I spent the last decade learning how to work with my magical, creative energy — and much of it was through working with that dark energy of my obscurus. this is why, for the first many years, I was so obsessed with writing about wellbeing. I thought that constant emotional misery and over-sensitivity meant that something was wrong with me, when really, it was my obscurus that was wrecking internal havoc in my system.
(I talk about this journey in detail on my podcast, starting with Episode 2, throwing away the iron rice bowl).
this meant: confronting my emotions even when it sucked, sitting with my own misery, facing and making space for my idiosyncrasies, and finding the courage to make radical changes in my life — all in service of a fuller expression of my magic.
these days, I’m far more practiced in creative magic. my obscurus / wounded artist child no longer controls me. but, that doesn’t mean she’s fully healed. it’s not a one and done thing. I think she’s always going to be there, living inside me.
the ongoing practice, then, is to form an intimate relationship with her. not to ignore her, banish her, or diminish her — but to give her the love and presence and attention that is truly healing. and then, to ask her for help in leading the way. my best work all comes — and will come — from my relationship with her.
💌 I write a weekly newsletter on creative alchemy & world-building called guide.notes. I also have a podcast: botanical studies of internet magic.
see related:
throwing away the iron rice bowl
energy studies: an ongoing practice
my core creative practices: wellbeing, art, business