observing the drama of your life
on evolving beyond limiting narratives of your life — by becoming an observer of the drama, rather than its tragic heroine.
for the longest time, I had a few plot lines in my head around love, loss, and relationships — that caused me so much pain and suffering. old narratives and beliefs that are rooted in my childhood, perhaps, and would arise, flare its dragon nostrils — with the simplest of triggers.
and I never considered this emotional reactivity a good thing. it was such a burden, to always have a storm happening in my head, and feel victim to the stories I was telling about myself. it took me years of practice to identify those stories — months of deep journaling, meditation, therapy, writing, art-making. and now, continual daily practice, to simply be aware of them.
but for a while, my emotions made every experience feel extreme. even small things. the boredom of a job, the monotony of work, the restlessness of a relationship. all of it, so poignantly flavored, so dramatized. I could not tolerate it. I could not tolerate myself.
learning to observe the drama within
so, so much of my art has been about observing my own emotions, and becoming intimate with them— an ongoing, continual process.
in recent days, I’ve made a new discovery. a new way of greeting my emotions, like passing birds. I still feel the same intensity, but rather than judging or being impatient with myself, I feel a small dawning of something else. gratitude? bliss? acceptance? I feel a softness cloaking everything, like snow.
the moment I step out of the drama of my life, I go from being the (usually tragic) heroine— to being a patron in the audience, drinking wine and watching, intently. smiling. nodding. understanding. I am still feeling the emotional catharsis. but I don’t have to go onstage to act it out.
how to go from tragic heroine to the observer of your drama
let’s play on this metaphor. look at how a drama unfolds when you are the heroine vs. the patron in the audience.
tragic heroine in the drama
something happens
we feel things
we react on impulse, with old, pre-written scripts
the story unfolds in a familiar way, fitting the pre-written narratives
patron of the drama
something happens
we feel things
we watch the feelings happen, while sipping wine
we wait and see what happens next, open to all possibilities
evolve beyond old, limiting narratives for your life
tell me, which POV is filled with more possibility, more potential, more growth?
the tragic heroine has a limited number of ways she might be able to react to a situation. her path is predetermined. predestined. she has spent her entire life acting out these same old dramas, again and again.
but the patron has infinite possibilities. she can watch the story unfold — change from the familiar plot lines of loss and betrayal, and turn into… an experimental dance theatre piece. a light, modernist piece. anything and everything.
all it takes is a single breath. a moment of awareness. a settling in, embracing yourself.
try it. and tell me how it goes.
prompts for journaling
recall an instance in which you felt emotionally triggered.
can you identify the “root story” behind the event? do they represent an old plot line in your life narrative?
explore what the script in this plot line might sound like. what does the heroine say? what does she feel? how does she behave?