being in china makes me feel like a jellyfish

on visiting China after six years.
four years ago, I wrote that I’m ready to go home now.

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Being in China makes me feel like a jellyfish — translucent and mushy. I’m floating in a sea of complications: feelings with no language. questions with no answers. history with no memories. each day is a wave of familiar sensations: the tastes and smells of childhood. people who knew me before I knew me. and yet, I don’t know who I am here. except, in relation to family. I don’t feel like I exist yet, except as a liminal being.

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💌 I write a weekly newsletter on creative alchemy & world-building called guide.notes. I also have a podcast: botanical studies of internet magic.