you must be your own flame

part of what makes working alone as an artist so hard is that you must be and do many seemingly contradictory things at once. you must be both the creator/sorceress of your work - forming something from nothing, doing that everyday -- as well as the brave leader, navigating, directing, and way-finding in an unknown landscape. this is what it means to walk the long road called "I want to make art and money in a purposeful way -- and have a life outside of that too."

but you must do both things, and many more. you must ride the flow of creativity and be your own flame; your guiding light, taking you from point A to point B. I've found that this is really hard, and requires a continual reminder:

you must be your own flame. you must re-ignite that flame, again and again.

in this post, I'm going to explore 3 ways of harnessing fire energy in fueling and focusing your creative / lonely work.

1. flame of initiation

2. flame of transformation

3. as guiding light

but first, let's explore the flame.

the power of a flame

I know that when I'm not feeling in flow, I become subject to long dry spells, rabbit holes of overthinking (at best) or, at worst -- parasitic moods, heavy feelings of futility, and deep, existential inertia. those are the days when I wake up feeling like there is no point to making art in such an ugly, hypocritical, capitalist world, and I'd rather take a long nap instead.

this is when it helps me to remember the flame -- by which I mean: that inner fire -- the focusing energy which lights me from within, and connects me to my purpose. it is as if, through all the turmoil, I silence the noise, and light a match in the dark, within myself. the flame has such intense, focusing power.

what does the flame feel like?

- inner fire

- focusing force

- intense spark, impulse, desire

- willpower / drive

- extreme clarity of purpose

- a keen sense of direction

- razor sharp decisiveness

- masculine energy

how often do you feel the presence of this energy? for me, it is both something you encounter -- and practice, almost as a ritual.

these are three ways:

as initiation-birthing fire

the situation: the beginning of anything is always the hardest part. it is almost as if there is an invisible threshold between not starting and starting, between sharing and not sharing -- a place where the embryo is unbroken, which means that your creative-unborn-fetus is not subject to the pressures of the breathing world; it's not exposed, yet, to potential criticism.

usages: the initiation fire is what gets you and your work over this threshold. you turn a blind eye to fear and perfectionism, and walk through inner fire - to press "publish" or "send" or "submit." initiation fire is sheer force of momentum that overcomes starting inertia. it is the antidote to paralysis.

how to harness its energy: make use of deadlines, and the adrenaline that comes with it. create milestones of accountability, even if it's only internal. open your schedule to make space for this fire to lead the way. throw yourself to completing your project (preferably in a healthy way) and find ways to repeat this process -- not once, but with regular rhythm.

as alchemy & transformation fire

the situation: the act of making art transforms the artist. it takes daily discipline, rituals, and a sort of tolerance for mundanity -- that comes with turning raw materials to gold. not everything feels like magic all the time. sometimes writing or drawing feels like sitting, dumbstruck, in front of a piece of paper.

usages: the fire of alchemy is the fire of daily ritual, and practice. it is a force which builds upon repetition, momentum, and consistency. alchemy and transformation never happens overnight - and this applies to anything: making art, making money, making a business that can support the rest of your life. it requires daily kindling.

how to harness its energy: create your own rituals. keep a practice log. collect wood: inspirations, resources, ideas. set a concrete container or goal (30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes) and channel this fire energy to help you walk through it. over time, you will come out different on the other side.

as a guiding flame

the situation: very often I wake up and feel amnesia about myself and my work. as in: who am I again? what am I doing, and why don't I have a normal job again? this feeling of being a little dazed and lost is something you eventually get used to. it doesn't mean you're on the wrong path, or doing the wrong thing. it just means you live in a world of infinite possibility - with all its pros and cons.

usages: the antidote to this daily confusion is to believe in yourself so fiercely -- that you have a guiding light like a fire, burning within you. this fire comes and goes. I felt this fire most intensely in the months before I quit jobs. it comes in spikes during moments of clarity or revelations. over time, this fire dies down from the friction of daily life.

how to harness its energy: it's important to keep with you, at all times, a metaphorical magical matchbox -- to light a match to help you remember your purpose, your direction, and your next steps. perhaps this takes the form of a voice message, a text & image document, a drawing or map. its essence should contain your answers to these questions:

- who are you, and what do you love?

- what do you most desire?

- where are you going - what is the vision?

- what's your purpose - why are you doing this lonely work?

- where do you want to be in X months or X years?

- what is the step you're taking right now, today?

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fire is a tool

these three forms of fire energy -- initiation fire, alchemy fire, and guiding flame -- are all varied forms of masculine energy. they are tools which direct inspirations and emotions into structured, material forms.

fire is a tool. fire energy is about starting, fueling, lighting the way, leading. of course, it also dies down - fires aren't meant to burn all the time, and perhaps it's this constrained period which makes the fire itself more potent and sacred.

and so, how can we light that fire within ourselves - if only for 5, 10, 30 minutes everyday? how can that inner light be a force that spreads into the rest of our lives? by finding solace in the flame, then, we can better enjoy all that time spent in watery darkness.