what is abundance

it’s been salty & bad scorpio weather as I prepare to traverse worlds (japan —> italy), and I have been feeling really poor. not materially poor. but poor on emotional energy, poor on time-space, and poor in creative energy and inspiration. for me, specifically, it comes from “unsustainable giving” — to my creative courses, to my clients, and to making an assortment of handmade gifts (last minute) before I leave. there is no time left to daydream, to read, or to doodle with small projects for pleasure. this is my own fault.

three months ago, I wrote a post about feeling rich vs. feeling poor — and how they are subjective feelings and state of minds, more than anything. two months ago, I wrote about the balance of giving to self vs. other, and looking for an abundant relationship with time. my life seems to be an act of finding balance while riding a wave. my word this year is “devotion,” but my intention (the goal of all my devotion) is to create more abundance.

but what is abundance? if abundance is a feeling, how does this feeling manifest? and in what areas? this morning, after unpleasing dreams, I was feeling so un-abundant that I stayed in bed and journaled about it:

what abundance means to me:

money flow abundance
to have work & art be an open channel for effortless flow between self & world. to give value and recieve value. feels like: an earthy freedom

time space flow abundance
to feel spacious and rich in time. feels like: a minimalist yet luxurious place to lay down and take a nap, or read.

creative/inspiration abundance
to be in flow with my creative energy from its deepest elemental source. feels like: a sense of spongey porous aliveness in all things, yielding into a never-ending orgasmic ecstasy

possibility abundance
to be full of experiences and possibilities and the gifts of life, to surrender and let go into all of them. feels like: pure magic

love flow
to fully give and receive love, to value love as the highest thing. feels like: softness and rawness and yielding, like all my edges are made smooth

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the opposite of abundance is lack.

we live in a society that survives on lack.

lack: to never have enough of something. money, time, energy, love, inspiration, creativity, attention. we are primed to live in a culture of lack, so lack seems to be the status quo. the norm. then we stuff our lives with more more more in order to compensate for this lack. but it doesn’t have to be like this. abundance can be a choice, too. abundance could happen now. and only now.

for me, it seems that the problem of poverty is either not giving enough to the world (and feeling alone and isolated) — or unsustainable giving (and feeling depleted). it seems like the relationship with abundance needs to be individually negotiated, too — like all other relationships with feelings: joy and anger and sadness. abundance is a dance. abun-dance.