giving to self vs. other
recently, I find myself running from one commitment to the next, one deadline to the next - noticing that the balance of giving to others and giving to myself is slightly off. I feel off because I feel tired and un-playful, the way adults feel when they have too many meetings and drink too many coffees on the go. you might forget who you are and that you have a body, for instance.
but it’s a delicate balance. it’s easy to feel too isolated in my own head, or too over-extended and engaged in nurturing others. for many months, I might create things and tell no one about them; experience the sensation of “creating into the void,” and wondering if my work has any relevance to the “real” world, and “real” people. for me, it is hard to be totally selfish and self-absorbed. but. these recent weeks, I’ve been created mostly for real people — which has felt amazing, to see the ripples of my work affect people I care about. but also tiring.
so, where is the balance? and how do I know when I’m off balance?
too much creating for myself
not sharing anything I create
feeling disconnected, isolated, and alone
feeling creatively constipated
feel too self-absorbed
not engaging in dialogue or conversation around my work
feeling “un-useful” as an artist
too much creating for others
no time to play and explore ideas
feel tired and exhausted
no sense of spaciousness
too objective oriented
feel too responsible and reliable to external
feeling time scarcity
of course, ultimately, everything I create IS meant for others — I see all of my art as a gift, and I am definitely a giver. but also need to give to myself, which is like a hybrid form of play-rest / creative-rest, where I spend afternoons doodling and indulging in whatever I want. then I have more to give.
the balance of self vs. other
time to play and explore ideas
feeling free to follow all creative urges
feeling spongey, inspired, and absorptive
engaging in dialogue around my work
feeling like my work is serving people
sharing my work consistently
connecting to people regularly
ultimately, this is a question of flow. how can I be in flow with myself, and be in flow with others / the world — at the same time? and to be in flow with time, so that it feels abundant, rather than scarce?