the art of finding balance

balance is finding your center while in motion

is it possible that we never find “true” equilibrium, but instead, spend our lives centering, falling off axis, and re-centering, again? always in motion, moving from one center to the next?

have you ever thrown pottery? that’s what it feels like. pottery teachers show you how to center a lump of clay from nothingness. then with the most minimal pressure, they knock it off center again, on purpose. and recenter. you know the clay is centered when it spins smooth and liquid fast between your muddy palms, undisturbed, like a globe in constant revolution. that’s when clay is ready to be pulled. to become a vessel.

after weeks of feeling overextended — like I was “giving” too much to other people and external commitments, yesterday I felt the slight anxiety of feeling like I wasn’t giving enough. I was in my own vacuum, hermit-ing in my self-indulgent artist bubble. I had already forgotten how, weeks ago, I was exhausted from so much giving — to students in my course, to my clients, my friends. yesterday I found myself deep inside my own inspiration — writing, playing piano, meditating, learning languages. then, I feared that I was dwelling too much here. in my inner world.

(aren’t I supposed to be making money? making connections? building my courses?)

part of that is the remnant of capitalist conditioning, but the other part is the realization that actually, this means I am on center again. after retreating from the world, now, I’m ready to give again.

where is the balance?

between inner worlds and outer worlds, between structure and flow, between to-do lists and spontaneity, between freedom and accountability, between giving to others, and giving to myself?

the truth is — there is no balance except in the present moment. balance does not happen in stasis. you don’t find balance by saying “stay here, in this position, and don’t move.” it’s not about finding the “median” because the circumstances around the median always change, and the median is continually shifting. balance happens in motion, balance happens as you take a forward step and recenter. take a back step and recenter again.

balance is finding your center while in motion, because life itself is always in motion.

thus, to feel a state of balance is to simply be present with each moment — continually discerning, sensing, and asking:

what do I need now?

what feels good now?