balancing surrender and control
in recent conversation with female friends, I’ve been working through this question of SURRENDER vs. CONTROL — in any life context which has the element of uncertainty (read: all).
how do I know when to surrender and when to practice control? how do I balance the two energies, in a variety of contexts:
the creative process and making art
deciding what to do with a day, a week, a month
where to go next in the time of COVID
career & building my life’s work
relationships of all kinds
navigating my psyche & my mind
in relation to my body
surrender and control are two modes of being holding each other in equilibrium; two energies which are part of a non-dual system.
what is surrender
surrender is about letting go. the path of no effort and least resistance, the act of allowing, trusting, going with the flow, and letting things be. surrender is yin energy.
the “unbalanced” aspect of this energy can turn into feeling scattered, unfocused, passive, self-indulgent, impulsive, undisciplined, self-indulgent, unconscious, lazy.
what is control
control is about directing intentions. to be in control is to have self-discipline, self-restraint, extreme responsibility, and follow-through. to be able to claim and dictate what you want, and then to execute it. it is yang energy.
the unbalanced aspect of this energy can feel repressed, paralyzed, overwhelmed, tense, rigid, and fearful, stressed.
the act of balancing
which mode of being comes more easily for you? personally, I have an inordinate amount of self-control, and struggle a lot with surrender/letting go. perhaps my extreme amounts of self-control is a form of overcompensation, rooted in old wounds and childhood fear. it takes time and gentle self-reassurance to realize that it’s safe to let go, that bad things won’t happen if I decide to let go. I don’t have to be responsible for everything.
but to live a life in surrender — I must first be clear about which part of me I’m surrendering, and to what purpose. do I surrender to the toxic anxiety-filled environment around me? do I surrender to my own impulses and craving?
I think that’s when the energy of deliberate intent — control — comes into full use. the energy of control is also the energy of keen discernment, reflection, and deliberate intent.
I can only surrender fully from my grounded center.
as I wrote earlier this week, the sole purpose of structure is to allow me to let go. is, then, the sole purpose of control — to allow me to surrender? to know when to surrender?
then, they are not opposites, but two sides of yin and yang, each dependent on the other for its fullest expression.