solving for unknowns
what do you do when faced with a life situation containing not one, but multiple unknowns — such that all the unknowns pile up into one mush and begin to feel unbearably overwhelming and paralyzing?
this is how I felt a few weeks ago, coming from naples to berlin, mid-pandemic, mid-turmoil, mid-existential crisis. I was asking myself these questions — no, I was completely consumed by the questions of WHERE should I go, HOW can I stay, WHAT should I do, WHICH apartment or language school, WHO should I contact, HOW should I be in this relation — etc, etc. I was drowning in unknown variables — such that day by day, I felt completely frozen in inaction.
this is what I’ve learned. here is my note to future-self:
when faced with multi-variable life equations, prioritize and solve them — one equation at a time.
step 0: prioritize self-care and your well-being (sleep, eating, meditating, journaling, exercise) — this will give clarity and creativity to all problem-solving. this took me 3-4 days. it is NOT optional.
step 1: prioritize the unknown variables. solve the equation which will impact ALL the others. in my case, it was, “DO I wish to stay in Berlin?” — and then it was “HOW should I stay?”
step 2: then, acknowledge which equations are not unsolvable — right now. in my case, it was relating to a specific relationship. I decided it was a brain teaser with no answer (at least right now), and that I needed to stop obsessing.
step 3: last, look at all the remaining unknowns variables. understand what you need to do — everyday — to make a little progress on finding the “solution” for them.
embrace experimentation and the process of “discovery as you go” — collect insight and information with each attempt and dead end road. at times you will feel discouraged. embrace that, too.
step 4: finally, when you have reached the ultimate state of zen, you will realize that there is no equation. there are no problems. everything is solved. the knot will untie itself, as if by magic, with little effort.
this I know from past experience. but in this situation, I haven’t gotten there yet. I know I will. I’ll report back once I’m there.