running away vs. running to

she said to me: people come to berlin to run away from something — to find their “freedom,” to party, to do drugs, to lose themselves. then eventually, what they run away from catches up with them. and they are reminded of why they left in the first place.

these days, I am reflecting on why — and how — I left new york city, and the energy and dynamics I was running away from. I am not one to run away — usually, my problem is staying enmeshed in a person/place for so long that it becomes toxic and self-destructive. but I know that my clarity with leaving new york — leaving anything, really — comes only when I focus not on what I am running away from, but what I am running to.

what was/am I running to? to a life of embodiment, spaciousness, autonomy, and inspiration. to a place of inner peace. I was running to be closer to myself. I still am.

so, I must remind myself of this. to focus not on the life you are leaving behind, but the life you are running to. focus not on the demons chasing you, but on the building of something new. can you run to that life — with all the breathe in your body? can you endure the dark valleys, just to wake up alone in a tent, and find joy in the breathe, rising in the air, lit — if only for a moment — by sunlight?