knowing your complex systems

 

we are fluid, variable, infinitely complex systems, always in motion and in relation.

recently I’ve been thinking about recognizing inner patterns on the scale of a day, a week, or a month — and how much we can learn by self-observation and self-inquiry. is there not a wealth of information, here and now, simply gained from paying close attention?

if I were to identify all the variables that affect the complex system that is me, I’d put them into roughly, this list:

  1. outer environment

    1. atmospheric - weather, season, temperature, air, light, humidity

    2. the space - the room, the house, the city/country, the nature

    3. other living beings - people, animals, plants

    4. psychic atmosphere - spirits, energy

  2. inner environment

    1. the nourishment I give myself

    2. any stimulus I absorb — sight, sound, touch, taste, smell

    3. what I create and release

    4. any activities I do

    5. physical rhythm — my body’s messages, my circadian clock, and biological rhythms

    6. psychic rhythm - what’s on my mind, my subconscious, my dreams

    7. creative rhythm - how ideas and inspiration move through me

    8. spiritual rhythm - what themes are reoccurring and surfacing

    9. emotional rhythm - what I feel on an hourly, and momentary basis

a way of understanding the self

when you look at this (nowhere comprehensive) list, do you not see what a truly complex and chaotic system we are, and how everything is always changing all the time? everything affects everything else. nothing is static. but in our society, we cause ourselves so much pain by holding ourselves to one standard, to one set of static expectations, to one linear framework. then we suffer when we cannot measure up.

but we are using the wrong system. the linear, flattened system that this society has given us.

can we hold our own fluid complexity with more awareness, more insight, and more empathy?

ultimate purpose of self-observation

what is the purpose of taking the time to understand such a complex system, or even attempting to document the moving variables, if not learning how to live with more exquisite aliveness, more poignancy, more joy, more bliss, and more growth, more expansion — into the essence of our true selves?

reflecting on this intention, so many questions come up for me —

for instance:

  • does the quality of my creative energy and creative flow vary, depending on where I am in my menstrual cycle?

  • is my mind more or less absorptive, spongey, creative — depending on the day of the week, and where my energy went in my activities?

  • am I more or less nostalgic, past-oriented, melancholic — at certain times of day, week, month?

  • are there reoccurring windows during the afternoon when my body is telling me to rest, and I’m just not listening?

  • are there sticky emotional patterns (attachment, craving, longing) that come up for me as a result of other variables (not enough creation, not enough sleep?)

in other words, can I be more sensitive to the infinity of what I “am,” what I truly need, and what I long for — by taking the time for detailed, keen self-observation?

I don’t dare say that I can create model to even approximate the dynamics of the self. but to simply take kind notes. to embark on a journey of understanding this constantly evolving landscape that is me, to appreciate its beauty, and to channel its energy into the world, as best as I can.

 
Kening Zhustudy of the self, inner work