how to feel at home anywhere

two days ago, I fled Paris for a small city in Japan. I checked myself into an airbnb — a ground floor studio apartment, and found myself feeling very disoriented, alone, and lost. I was here again, in a new country for the first time, with the coronavirus sweeping through the world, and I couldn’t go home to wait it out. I didn’t have a home.

as with all feelings, this particular feeling-thought didn’t last. over the last twenty four hours, while slowly solving the mysteries of a Japanese apartment, I’ve intuitively implemented ways to make myself feel more at home here — preparing myself to stay “home” most of the time — and it’s worked. just a day later, I almost feel as though I actually “live” here.

so. I’m writing this post to articulate the packable toolkit of things that can help me more at home anywhere I go. I see “home” is not a physical place; home is an emotional place; a feeling: of safety, coziness, and familiar love.

often, it’s sensory elements that can create this feeling of home for me, no matter what country I’m in, what the weather is like outside, and what’s happening in the world. your list might look different. here’s mine:

1) taste: food for nourishment & comfort

an empty fridge feels very un-home like. in your imagination of a home, the fridge is always stocked with things your body needs, as well as the things your heart might crave. food is about so much more than satiating hunger of the stomach, but also satiating an innate need for warmth, care, and love. I made a shopping list template for creating “home” feeling through food — and it’s essential to go beyond the essentials (vegetables, fruit, protein, staples) to indulgent things like savory snacks, sweet snacks, alcohol, exotic treats, and tea.

2) sight: warm lighting + natural lighting

I realized that I’m exceptionally sensitive to light. I can stay for hours in a dark corner (ie, the corner of the hungarian pastry shop) if it’s lit properly, and bathed in coziness (coffee, sweet things, artwork, warm lighting). conversely, fluorescent ceiling lights make me feel like I’m in an operating room (or worse, in an office building, dying a slow cubicle death). my mother suggested covering the fluorescent standing lamp with a yellow towel — which made a world’s difference. I am putting on my list of to-dos: design and build a collapsible paper lantern. that would be reaching advanced level in my travel game. for now: begin to carry a warm yellow lightbulb in my one carry-on suitcase. and: consider natural lighting a non-negotiable (like the presence of a toilet, or kitchen) when choosing apartments.

3) smell: a personal luxury & carrier of memory

short of packing a candle (which requires me to buy a new lighter in each location), I’m thinking about finding a room fragrance spray I love (building memories of other places into it, like daisy-chain linkages), or finding an essential oil and using reed diffusers. for now, making coffee in the morning seems like an essential element of home — for the smell as much as for the taste itself. as in: this place is not a hotel. it’s home enough for you to enjoy good coffee.

4) sight: colorful textile prints + artwork

most airbnbs are rather barren in decor, or designed with an aesthetic that I don’t particularly resonate with. so — if half of what makes a home feel “home” is the decor, can I choose art that is easily portable and multi-functional? simply laying out my patterned Tibetan scarf on the couch already makes the room feel more like home. I’ll look to collect more textile art (Turkish towels, for instance) and think of creative ways to carry postcards or small art pieces that can be folded and hung on a wall.

5) sound: music as an emotional home

this goes without saying. music can feel like home no matter if you’re on a high speed train across Japan in bright daylight, or walking in the French countryside at night. I’m grateful for times like this as an opportunity to become more intimate with music. I could not live without it. I travel with a portable Bose speaker, and two sets of noise-cancelling Bose headphones.

6) touch: hot baths, massage balls, foldable yoga mat, & slippers

for the solo traveler, you can give yourself the indulgence of a hot bath and bring your own slippers. my best friend from college gave me two massage balls that are tactile things to release tension in my body. I do yoga every morning on a foldable yoga mat.

6) morning routine: for inner nourishment

the morning after arriving in a new city, I make sure to take extra time to do my morning routine (which right now, consists of writing + yoga + meditation). there is nothing quite as grounding as a familiar routine in a new place. it reminds me that I am still me; I am part of the infinity within me. I am not my emotions, thoughts, environment, or changing life situation.

7) slow activities: for pleasure & indulgence

you only do indulgent things when you’re at home, and while you’re traveling in a foreign country, rarely will you watch a movie, take a long bath, read poetry, bake bread, make yogurt, or bottle pickles. since we’re stuck at “home,” why not fill our time with the indulgent, slow activities — rather than attempting to keep up with the relentless pace of the news, of social media, stuff ourselves with the unfiltered feed of the internet?

home is a place to return to the slow art of loving things. beginning with yourself. but also other people. also pursuits of passion. also poetry, and music; good literature, and good cinema.

home is an opportunity to return to myself. and I can return to myself — from anywhere.