hello darkness, my old friend
I turn thirty this year. looking back at the last ten years, I can see clearly how the process of growing up, growing older, growing wiser, growing deeper into myself and into my own skin — can be distilled down to the practice of embracing my own extremities of darkness. of welcoming it as a friend, rather than trying to push it away as an enemy. because the more you build fortresses against yourself, the greater and more insidious the enemy becomes — it finds cracks and holes to seep through while you sleep. I could never compartmentalize myself or my anxieties the way I wanted to. I could never control it, I could never contain the chaos, never silence my needs, nor suppress my obsessions. instead, my life has always existed between storms, and through storms. and it's taken me a long time, but finally I'm at a place of gradual acceptance, and surrender. now, when the darkness descends upon my mind like a choking fog, I only need to small-smile at myself, and say, ah, yes. hello darkness, my old friend. I wonder how long you'll visit me this time.