a daily digital solitude
on the joys of being digitally disconnected until late afternoon — everyday.
four years ago, I made the intention of being digitally disconnected until 12pm everyday — as in, no email, and no social media. I kept variations of that practice up for months at a time. but here and there, I would slip back into old habits of checking my phone first thing upon waking up, as if in need of some soothing, some validation, attention, or bite sized information to “consume.” but it never felt good. it always felt like relinquishing agency over my mind — to live dependent on external voices and input. the balance of “real” life and “digital” life felt really off to me — until these recent weeks, since I’ve settled into (rather extreme) solutions and daily digital practices.
since I’ve been in confinement in this big Japanese house (and experiencing the most stable contentment I’ve felt in a decade) — I’ve embraced my love of extremes. this week, I’ve been waking up at 6am, but “offline” until sometime between 3-5pm everyday. that’s 8-9 hours of digital solitude. it’s felt amazing — like this — this was the missing piece to my life. because when my mind is freed from constantly being in this virtual, real-time, connected space, I feel more attentive, more awake, more in touch with my breathing, living self.
how do I resist myself from checking my phone for 8-9 hours? obviously, I am privileged in being able to structure my life this way. (you can imagine — working for other people and being forced to always have my inbox open and appear “available” was absolute mental torture for me.) I did this shift very gradually. I began with leaving my phone untouched until after getting fully dressed and washed. then, I pushed phone time until after 10am. then, until noon — which felt like my “norm.” then I quit Instagram and Facebook completely and basically abandoned my inbox.
I started playing with questions like “how would I feel if I’m offline until 2pm? 3pm? 5pm? how would I fill my time? would I feel anxiety, or this itching to be connected, or a fear of missing out?”
apparently, I feel nothing but fullness in myself. I feel present in every moment. I feel flow. I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my digital life. I go online to post to this website every morning. I might use the thesaurus, or google a word. but, otherwise — I spend those long stretches of undisturbed waking hours on other things: writing, making art, playing piano, reading, learning languages, doing work projects.
of course, many of those things require technology, but they do NOT require constant connectivity — messages or email. and when I am connected — when I do go online - I feel like I can give people my fullest attention in those brief windowed hours of time. all the messages all at once, instead of messages constantly interrupting my day.
constant interruption and constant distraction — is never being able to be present. how much connectivity do we really need? can we free up more much emotional and mental space to give fully to ourselves, and to be fully absorbed in everything we do? instead of half-engaged, half-committed, half awake? is it possible to life a fuller life, just by being fully here? I think so.
…
(there is - of course, that anxiety that someone in my family will be in mortal danger and will need me, or that my grandparents will be on their deathbeds and will want to call me to say goodbye… but… that is all the more reason to nurture those relationships regularly, instead of being available just on the brink of things. I try not to think about that too much.)
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