how to exist in a dream

i am enjoying this summer in italy. very much. and i think to myself: what is this dream i am existing in? is it real? is it a fantasy in my mind?

of course it’s in your head — but what makes you think that means it’s not real? (as dumbledore said).

perhaps all of the dream-like, good things in life must be fully appreciated, too, exactly as they are — one moment at a time, one day at a time. appreciated and savored: without needing mental control over when and how they happen, without needing forecasts of loss and ruin, without too much analysis or speculation, or lucid, rational explanations of why we are lying to ourselves with this happiness. this dream cannot possibly exist. things cannot be this good. fate cannot be this kind to me.

but why? why destroy even the good things in life with this dangerous instrument of my mind? can I un-arm myself? can I truly learn to let go?

and how do we find the balance between savoring the dream — and taking cold baths in lucidity, in “reality”? reality is whatever you make of it. but we all fear future pain; future expulsion from this garden of paradise.

perhaps thinking of this dream-space as a garden of paradise — is the very mistake we make. perhaps there is no paradise except in the here and now. maybe the trick is to train ourselves to see each moment as its own form of paradise. self-delusion happens when we project into the future. but in the hereness and nowness of the present — the dream is safe. I am safe.