growing in circles

I feel a lot of angst when I find myself in familiar situations, dealing with familiar dynamics and turmoil I had already faced years ago, and convinced myself that I had overcome. when I wake up in those problems again, I’m overwhelmed by a sense of futility. why did I struggle so hard, and suffer so much — only to end up in the same place again? what is wrong with me? am I always stuck going in circles?

even if I run away from those problems, I cannot run away from myself. I take my psychological and emotional patterns with me, wherever I go. I am the projector. my life and circumstances are simply the projections on a blank wall of a new place, a new relationship, or a new time.

but this angst — what if it comes from a linear way of thinking — in which we judge circularity as a bad thing?

what if, instead of seeing “going in circles” as a sign of stuck-ness, we can imagine that we are meant to "grow in circles?”; to return to the same struggles because they are our crucial to our evolution?

rather than overcoming one great challenge and moving onto new and novel adventures, perhaps we experiences the same challenge, again and again — each time in a new form.

and each time, we evolve alongside it. maybe life hands us familiar challenges to show us where our greatest weakness (and ultimately, greatest power and strength) lies. and we have a choice, then, to reject the challenge. or to accept it.