feeling safe with myself

in the end, the intention behind all the practices we do is about being able to feel safe with yourself. safe; rather than constantly threatened by the minefield of our minds, or the haze and unease of self-delusion. feeling safe with yourself is about finding again the ground of self-trust — which is the only light we have to guide this journey.

I had this realization about safety today, after a meditation session which felt like drinking water for my severely dehydrated soul — so dehydrated, that she was unable to speak to me. I couldn’t hear any voice of clarity or wisdom, or knowing. I looked into my life and saw only dark haze, shadows, and a suffocating fog.

after weeks and months of feeling this inner abandonment — of my soul, and my soul of me — mind had become a minefield of bombs, waiting to explode at the slightest movement. (does this sound dramatic and extreme? welcome to super-scorpio land.) so, I feared returning to myself, because I feared that my inner voice would tell me to do harsh and hard things, would blame me for making bad decisions and repeating old patterns, and that it would all only cause more pain I wanted to avoid.

but my inner voice is never harsh. my mind can be harsh. my inner soul voice is gentle, soothing, and strong. and to feel safe with myself is to remember that place of safety within and with myself. to allow myself to let go into a empty room, and to feel my own presence. like a salve. like soul water.