dreamflowing vs. housekeeping

a page from my journal

I am dividing my work (and maybe life in general?) into two kinds of activities: dream-flowing and housekeeping.

dream-flowing is what you feel inspired to do.

house-keeping is what you feel like you need to do.

dream-flowing is about following the flow. it includes all the things you do for pleasure, for self-indulgence, for joy, for bliss. what you do simply because you feel like doing it. the purpose is expansion, growth, discovery, letting go, following your curiosity, and seeing where it takes you. it is an intuitive, interior-based, feminine energy.

housekeeping is all the activities required to make the the engine of your life run — coordinating, organizing, executing, fulfilling responsibilities and commitments. it is what is acknowledged to be good, helpful, useful to do to continue existing with good full-being hygiene.

lately I’ve been oscillating between the two, like my other extremes: surrender vs. control, structure vs. flow — and again, this journal post is about me finding equilibrium in contrasting opposites; the non-duality within duality.

too much / too little

TOO MUCH DREAMFLOWING — if I spend a whole week following my urges and curiosity down rabbit holes, I sometimes emerge feeling guilty for having been so self-indulgent. it takes emotional work to quell the voices of anxiety and not-enoughness for abandoning the more “practical” aspects of work/life.

TOO MUCH HOUSEKEEPING — when I spend all week working on organizational things, publicity things, communications-related tasks, client work, or other-people centric work, I felt stuck, depleted, spread thin, uninspired, drained, unexcited, and very ungrounded from my core.

RESISTANCE TO DREAMFLOWING — feeling time scarce, energy scarce, scarcity in general

RESISTANCE TO HOUSEKEEPING — fear of tedium, boredom, fear of discovering an unpleasant reality, sensitivity to feelings, fear of disappointment

the equilibrium

I think the secret is in finding the non-dual nature of both types of work — so that housekeeping tasks can feel as pleasurable as dream-flowing work, and dream-flowing can gain the steadiness of rhythm and routine as housekeeping tasks. when I can do both, then I feel:

inspired, excited, expansive, free, spacious, dreamy

AND

accomplished, connected, satisfied, released, clean, orderly, organized, clear

however. sometimes I resent the fact that our society has conditioned me to seek the feeling of accomplishment, when it’s such an illusion and an outdated, linear, results-oriented way of thinking. (does something not have value if you cannot show its tangible results) I have not found the solution to that yet, but slowly I’m re-orienting myself to wean off that need for validation of that interior voice telling me I did a good job, I should feel proud.